I dreamed that I was in Asheville, NC last night. When I left, Matt and I were still dating. Everything didn't looked as I had imagined, but it was a somewhat fun, interesting experience. I went by myself to attend college there, but it seemed to be only a temporary opportunity. I felt frightened, scared, and vulnerable that I had no friends there. I did, however, feel a strong sense of renewal and excitement. It was difficult to find where I was going. The streets seemed a bit off and I kept getting lost. I made a friend there. I met him in a dark room. I don't remember his face. This part was very vague.  Then, I had apparently left Asheville and revisited with family. I had seen my one and only Asheville friend, but for some reason I had pretended he didn't exist. Following this, vague images of Matt and me surfaced--we were playing around and I was on his back, goofing off as usual.

I'm very scared lately. I feel like I have been living in a stagnant state of reluctancy and procrastination. I'm putting of Psychology as a whole. I'm putting off massage school (the key to my freedom). And this worry I feel over it can so easily be fixed--I think. There's something in me that's keeping me from what I want to do. You know, I would LOVE to move to Asheville. They are so progressive and spiritually minded!  I would LOVE to attend college there. I would also LOVE to be free and out on my own.

It's so weird I've developed anxiety and fear over all of this. Luckily, Caitlin is going to help me overcome some of these fears tomorrow. Baby steps..

I have been going to the gym lately. Trying to get back into shape. I've gained too much weight.